I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
