just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
