you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
