It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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