Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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