i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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