Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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