Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
