Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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