I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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