he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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