Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
