I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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