somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
