Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
