We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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