you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
