how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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