if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
