it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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