I want to have your abortion
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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