How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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