Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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