you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
