In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
