I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
