mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize