believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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