i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize