I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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