You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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