dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
