so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
