Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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