Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
