Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
