felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
