Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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