Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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