Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
