First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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