we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
