I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
