Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
