Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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