Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
