i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
