I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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