i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
