obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
