we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
