curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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