I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
