you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize