He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
