so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
