Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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