I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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