sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
