Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
