i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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