If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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