were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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