My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
