I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
