..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
