Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
