I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
