got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
