dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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