Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
