his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I currently don't understand fingers.
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