It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
