YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize