i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize