you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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