you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm bleeding and have questions
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
