It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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