if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
