guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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