I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
