She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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